CLUB HOUSE.

CHEATER'S GUIDE to ...

CHEATER'S GUIDE to the KINGS and QUEENS of BRITAIN

Britain has had over 40 miserable monarchs. Each one was a quirky crown-wearer. It takes schools about ten years to tell you about them. Thanks to the power of the poem you can learn the main ones all here and now - in about 20 minutes max.

Below are a few verses of the poem.

MAD MONARCHS AND WORSE VERSE

WILLIAM II (1087 - 1100) - BAD BILLY

Claim to fame:
William was greedy, a bully and bad tempered . . . at least that's what the monks who wrote the history said about him. But they would say that. He was nasty to them and their church! His red hair and redder face gave him the nickname Rufus . . . that's Latin for "red". He was killed (or murdered!) by a huntsman's arrow while he was out hunting deer . . .

Potted Poem:

William Two is a rotten old king,
With a face so tomatoey red.
He shoots little deer, so it serves Billy right
When he cops a sharp arrow instead!
............

HENRY VIII (1509 - 1547) HENRY ATE

Claim to fame:

He got rid of the Catholic Church in England and made himself head of the new church. That gave him the chance to divorce his first wife and also to pinch the riches of the monasteries. He liked hunting, eating, riding, eating, archery, eating, music, eating . . . and getting his own way. Anyone who annoyed him tended to get the chop - even a good friend like Thomas More.

Potted Poem:

Henry eight - wives six.
(Seems to chop them up like sticks)
Daughters two - sons one.
(No grand-children. Tudors gone)
Henry ate - Monks nil.
(All that eating made him ill)
Thomas More - Henry no more
(Death just evened up the score)
.......

GEORGE III (1760 - 1820) SIMPLE GEORGE

Claim to fame:
Reigned a long, long time, even though he was mentally ill. His illness was bad ... but the doctors' treatments were dreadful!

Potted Poem:

People said that George the Third
Was not all there - in fact quite bonkers
Shook hands with a chestnut tree,
Got his head rained on by conkers.
But, if truth were told, (that's best)
He's no worse than all the rest.

VICTORIA I (1837 - 1901) MISERY VEE

Claim to fame:

Reigned while the British Empire grew until Victoria was the empress of a quarter of all the people in the world. For all the riches this brought to Britain, many people here lived terrible lives in slums. She married Albert but became very miserable when he died.

Potted Poem:

As a queen
Vic was mean.
Always fat, never lean.
Fell for Bert when nineteen,
When he died she weren't seen
For some years. She weren't keen.
Dreadful wars, (like Crimean)
Awful slums, (water green)
For the poor, not a bean
That's the scene
Victorean.