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HOUSE
of FUN - JOKES
Have
you got a favourite joke? Then why not share it in Dr Dee's
House of Chat on the Jokes and Recipes page?
Terry Deary wrote a Horrible History of the British Empire
in 2002. The British Empire was a pretty horrible place to
be and there was only one joke told in 150 years of being
nasty to natives and flattening foreigners. It is this …
Brit
General Sir Charles Napier captured Sind, India, in February
1843. He sent a message back to Britain. It was the Latin
word …
"Peccavi"
It means, 'I have sinned'.
"I have Sind!"
Get it?
Oh, never mind. |
When
the Brits arrived in India in 1795 the Singhalese had some
tasty tricks up their sleeves. Because of their Buddhist religion
they were not so keen on taking the life of their Brit enemies
so what did they do?
It could have been worse. You could have been made to suffer
those awful elephant jokes and bored to death. You know the
sort of thing.
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What
do you get if you cross an elephant with a whale?
A huge pair of swimming trunks.
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(Yawn)
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What
do you get if you cross an elephant with a butterfly?
A mam-moth
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(Yawn!
Yawn!)
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What's
the difference between an elephant and a banana?
Have you tried peeling an elephant?
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(Hey! That's not so bad!)
Terry's
favourite jokes of the moment?
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How
did the stupid teacher burn her face?
Bobbing for chips!
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Or
…
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How
did the stupid teacher get little holes all over her
face?
Trying to eat with a fork!
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Or ...
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There
were two snowmen in a field. One snowman said to the
other, "Can you smell carrots?"
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Or
…
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One
evening a knight was riding to the rescue of a beautiful
maiden - as knights do - when he ran into a terrible
storm. Lightning flashed and thunder rolled - lightning
rolled and thunder flashed. A bolt of lightning flashed
down and hit the knight's horse which collapsed and
died.
The Knight staggered into a miserable little village
and hammered on the door of the inn. The landlord answered
the knock and the knight threw himself, dripping wet,
through the door.
"Good grief, sire! I wouldn't let a dog go out
on a night like this! Come in! Come in!"
The knight gasped, "Landlord! Landlord! Give me
your finest horse, whatever it costs!"
"Sorry, sire, we're right out of horses!"
"Then give me a pony, or a donkey!"
Sorry, sire, no ponies, no donkeys, not even a ponkey!"
"Then what have you got?" the knight begged.
"Just a giant Irish hunting dog, sire. Here it
is, by the fire. Good boy, Paddy!" the landlord
said and clicked his fingers.
The dog rose to its feet. It was huge. Almost as big
as a pony and strong enough to take the knight. The
trouble is it had been out in the rain and its mangy
coat was steaming and stinking. It limped over to the
door.
The smell of the dog almost made the knight throw up.
But he put the saddle on the dog and threw his leg over
the animal's scabby back. The animal swayed and limped
towards the door, panting with breath so foul it almost
made the knight faint.
The landlord opened the door - looked out into the lashing
rain and flashing thunder. He closed the door and shook
his head. "Sorry, sire, but I wouldn't let a knight
go out on a dog like this!"
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Yeah?
You reckon you could do better? Then go to the chat page and
have a go!
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